Does anyone remember the 1990 NES classic Nintendo World Cup? Nintendo World Cup is a *ahem* soccer game (or football if you are from the green and pleasant land) where each team has six players. Although it maintains the shape of a soccer game, Nintendo World Cup actually has very little to do with soccer other than sticking the ball in the back of the net.

Offsides? Not a chance in hell! Basically speaking, there are no rules in Nintendo World Cup! Prepare yourself for the most brutal game of soccer ever. All tackles are sliding and two footed (which will instantly net you a red card in the real world). When the tackles hit, the unfortunate victim flies through the air with his eyes bulging out of his skull. Hit the same player a few times AND HE DIES!! Not only that, but his body will stay on the pitch in the spot where he fell until the match ends!

It’s not unusual to reach the end of a game and find the field strewn with corpses. In fact, my brother and I would often resort to the underhanded tactic of trying to kill all the players on the pitch and then just start scoring in the opposing team’s open goal! Be careful of the goalkeeper, though. That sumbitch is badass. He will literally kick you in the face if you get within striking distance. And if you do get kicked by him, he boots you all the way out of the penalty box! That shit puts Jackie Chan to shame. This makes sense, actually, because Nintendo World Cup was originally a Japanese game titled “Hotblooded High School Dodge Ball Club: Soccer Edition”. So when you see someone thundering a shot into another players face ON PURPOSE, it starts to make a bit more sense. And man-oh-man does it make you laugh!!

And there lies the true beauty of Nintendo World Cup. If you can make it through one match without pissing yourself laughing, you’re doing better than me. Even the players names make me snicker. How can you deny a team selection roster that boasts the world class talents of ‘Mick’, ‘Dave’ and ‘George’. Yeah, the 13 included international teams are so awesome that they’ll even play on solid sheet-ice. Now that’s some badassery!

Whether it’s the laugh-out-loud violence, the play mechanics that only allow you to control the same player throughout the entire match or the unbelievably fun multiplayer aspects, Nintendo World Cup is an excellent title that transcends nostalgia and is still fun to play.